There in front of the machine stood three tiny figures. The BFG, Sophie and BB had been shrunk to the size of a large apple.  The machine had worked, the three of them were ready for the mission.

Ah! The mission. The Boncruncher on his last trip to England had lost the maps which gave away the location of the Giants hideout. Amazingly for the giants, they had mastered the use of a computer and the maps were all stored on a memory stick. But these things were so easy to lose! Which is exactly what the Bonecruncher had done. On a trip to gobble some English chiddlers, (very tasty they were too) he’d lost the stick somewhere in the River Mun, in a strange place called Mundesley.

A search party had to go in to retrieve it. To remain unseen, they had  minituarised themselves.

I wasn’t happy with the paragraph about the mission. So I had another go at it.

I also wanted to include more of the sentence starter ideas we talked about.

words ending ed, ing clause, using a simile

So here is my second draft

Whizz, bang!  Followed, by an almighty thunder-clap. A shower of multi-coloured sparks shot around the cave from the end of rayshrinker. The Bonecruncher held his hands to his ears. As the smoke cleared, he couldn’t believe his eyes. Like a goldfish waiting for dinner, he stood with his mouth wide open.

Standing in front of the rayshrinker, were three tiny figures. The BFG, Sophie and BB had been shrunk to the size of a large apple.  The machine had worked. The three of them were ready for the mission to retrieve the lost maps.

Giants! Maps! Amazingly, for the giants, they had mastered the use of a computer and computerised their homeland maps. The information was on a small memory stick.

But these things were so easy to lose! On a trip to gobble some English chiddlers, (very tasty they were too) that’s exactly what the Bonecruncher had done. He’d lost the stick somewhere in the River Mun, in a strange place called Mundesley.

A search party had to go in to retrieve it. To remain unseen, they minituarised themselves.

Can you spot the changes.

Mr Ball